Facing Failure Fearlessly and How to Make it Your Ally
We all experience failure. However, coping with setbacks offers a more positive outlook on life and yourself.
SELF & WELLNESS
Almost everyone can name the person who invented the light bulb. Thomas Alva Edison.
Perhaps most of us also know that this invention didn’t happen overnight. Thomas Edison tried 10,000 different materials before he figured out the right one for the light bulb filament. So, did he fail that many times? Well, though many of us might be tempted to look at it that way, he certainly begged to differ. In his view, he found 10,000 ways that didn’t work!
If Thomas Edison had been bogged down by the ways that didn’t work and stopped trying, he would probably not have become America’s most well-known and prolific inventor.
The same goes for scientists. They carry out so many experiments, and they fail all the time. But they brand it differently. They call it “data”. For them, every experiment gives them a wealth of data that builds on their knowledge and gets them closer to success.
The truth is, failure is a failure only when we fail to learn from it.
Think about it. In the journey of our lives, we face so many small setbacks-failing a test, losing a job, breaking up with a partner, or even failing to meet the expectations of our loved ones. These moments feel so overwhelming at the time, and soon enough, the disappointment begins to fester within you.
But, if you cultivate a good relationship with failure and look at it as an opportunity for growth, you will be able to take chances, push boundaries, and grow.
Why is failure so repulsive?
First of all, we get disappointed when we fail, and no one likes to feel disappointed. Most people have a tough time moving on from this feeling, as they imagine themselves being successful and all the good things that are to follow. But, they find themselves suddenly faced with failure and have to allow time to dwell on its consequences.
Secondly, we’re worried about being judged by other people. We can worry about being judged by total strangers, who do not know us well enough to be gracious about our failures, or by our family, who we do not want to disappoint.
Third, we tend to compare ourselves to others who may be successful. This can be anyone from friends, family, colleagues, or even people who we see on social media.
In addition to all of the above, a failed attempt at something may make us feel that we’re a failure as a person. This thing called personalisation is pretty common, wherein we’re unable to separate the concept of failing at a particular endeavour from the concept of being a failure.
Now, of course, it’s an understandable feeling. However, it’s not logical to believe that you are a failure simply because you failed at something.
Failure and its consequences
A failed attempt can have positive and negative consequences. One of the negative consequences is that your self-esteem can take a hit. Some people are very confident until they come across a big failure, and then, they feel as though they’re worthless.
This can lead to all sorts of problems, but in particular, it can be the start of mental health conditions like depression or anxiety. And, of course, another effect is that you might lose the motivation to try again.
“The upside to failure is that it teaches us valuable lessons.”
We become more humble, empathetic, resilient, and emotionally intelligent. Like how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, we emerge from failure a different person. And this can be important for our growth as a person.
Consider this. If you go to ten different job interviews and manage to crack none of them, you may first think that there has been no positive outcome.
But, if you have made mistakes along the way and learnt from them, you're in a much better position to handle significant failures in a healthy way. And you will also know that failure does not represent the end of the road for you.
So how do you go about making friends with failure?
Here are a few tips:
Know that failure is inevitable
And accept it. Until you accept it, you will have a tough time whenever you don't achieve what you aim for.
Acknowledge your feelings
Even though it's common to avoid the feelings associated with failure since they can cause discomfort, it's important to learn how to acknowledge them instead. Try to recognise how you feel and name your feelings. If you feel angry or disappointed, try to understand where the feeling stems from and what you can learn from it.
Take responsibility
Failure may be because of a mistake, misdirection or miscalculation. Acknowledge your role and take action to prevent further mistakes. When you take responsibility for your mistakes, it means you learn from them and will work to improve your skills and processes. And by taking the time to reflect on failures and make changes to prevent them in the future, you show your accountability and willingness to grow from mistakes.
Use it as a motivation to succeed
Try to look at failure as one step closer to success. That is often the case. If you look at it as a lesson each time, you'll be happier in the end. Of course, you don't have to immediately pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start over again. Take your time to cope with the loss and the negative feelings, and then get back to it.
Learn about other people who have failed and then succeeded
Abraham Lincoln, Oprah Winfrey, Charles Darwin, Isaac Newton, JK Rowling…. it's a long list. Plenty of successful people have experienced failure. When you learn about their stories, you remind yourself that failure is part and parcel of life.
Be kind to yourself
It's important to cut yourself some slack, especially when you've failed. You're more likely to succeed if you're kind to yourself, which means accepting that you have tried your best and not setting unrealistically high goals for yourself.
Remember, the way you choose to respond to situations depends on you.
When you have a healthy relationship with failure, it builds character, and you have a cordial relationship with something that other people fear.
Sources:
-Panja A. (2003). Failures can be the pillars of success. BMJ.
-Anshel M.H. (2016). In praise of failure: The value of overcoming mistakes in sports and in life-Book.
