Questioning Your Relationship? Here’s What You Need to Know!
Doubts about your partner’s commitment are a normal part of every relationship. Acknowledging and addressing these concerns is key.
SOCIAL DYNAMICS
If at any point in your relationship, you found yourself questioning the bond that you share with your partner… Don’t worry; you’re not alone. Whether it’s a recent relationship or a long-term one, we’ve all found doubt raising its ugly head at some point.
Maybe you’re concerned that your partner doesn’t love you as much as you love them, or you’re wondering whether your relationship is strong enough for a long-term commitment. Perhaps a text to your partner goes unanswered. Maybe you worry whether your partner is still attracted to you.
Or, after thinking back on a seemingly harmless comment your partner made, it doesn’t seem quite so harmless anymore! And then, you find yourself doubting a relationship for which you held such high hopes.
You see, you invest time and energy into a relationship. So caring about whether those resources are well spent will, of course, bring about some doubt.
Doubts can arise for various reasons
Change can be one of them. Think about it. When you commit and feel settled in a relationship, you sort of understand your partner instinctively. You feel like you can predict their responses and know their behaviour patterns. But, as soon as there’s a slight change or something unusual happens, you might wonder what’s wrong and start questioning your relationship. For example, when you move to a new city or say, your partner makes a new group of friends or starts a new hobby.
Stress can also be the cause of doubts in your relationship. In our busy lives, stress can be unavoidable. And sometimes, the stress and anxiety from work and other chores can spill over into your relationship.
“You might have doubts about how much attention and care your partner shows you, but those thoughts may not always be accurate.”
In the same way, you may have doubts about your relationship because of things that happened to you in the past that had a big impact on your mind and made you question the good things about relationships. For example, maybe you had your trust broken by a partner that lied or cheated. Or maybe a past relationship ended suddenly without forewarning.
If you still have unresolved emotional issues from the past, it can make you wonder if what you have now is real.
Some amount of doubt can actually be good
Sure, it sounds counter-intuitive, but having doubts about your relationship to some extent isn't so bad. It means that you're thinking critically about yourself and your partner. It shows that you're putting some real thought into your relationship and your compatibility with each other.
Having doubts means you're paying attention to what's going on around you. It doesn't always mean that the relationship is not healthy or fulfilling. What's important, though, is to find out whether your doubts are based on valid concerns or if they're just a normal part of being in a relationship. After you figure that out, it can help to evaluate them.
So think of doubts as a signal to check in with your partner. Look at them as a stepping stone to a higher level of commitment, where you and your partner can work on your differences and strengthen your relationship.
How to overcome doubts
Learning how to overcome doubts in your relationship has just as much to do with shifting your perspective as it has to do with communicating with your partner.
Analyse where it’s coming from
Before doubting your partner, ask yourself whether it's your own fears or past experiences that are bringing up these suspicious thoughts. If that’s the case, take time to clarify your thoughts, needs, and wants for your relationship and work on yourself.
Accept that your relationship cannot be perfect
Everybody makes mistakes and misunderstandings are common in all relationships. Sometimes we may take our partner for granted and behave in a particular way, expecting them to understand and respond accordingly. But your partner may have a different outlook. Try to make efforts to be on the same page, accept each other, and move forward.
Don’t discount red flags
It's important to remember that some doubts are going to turn out to be valid and red flags. Like, if you worry you’re not being treated with respect or you worry about your safety. Such doubts can be signals that you’re in an unhealthy relationship and you should seek additional help from friends and family.
Communicate how you feel
Keep your partner informed about what you’re thinking and the way you feel. Make sure that you express doubts in a non-judgemental manner, without an aggressive tone. Rather than confronting them outright, talk about the reasons that make you suspicious. If you communicate, neither of you will have to guess what the other is thinking.
Focus on the positives
If you feel something is wrong, it doesn't mean that nothing is going right. And if you feel anxious, take care of yourself by practising deep breathing or similar relaxation techniques.
Remember, doubts are a normal part of any relationship. By communicating with your partner and taking time to reflect on your thoughts, you can overcome your doubts and build a stronger relationship.
Sources:
-Boucher E.(2015) Doubt Begets Doubt: Causal Uncertainty as a Predictor of Relational Uncertainty in Romantic Relationships. Communication Reports.
