Saying “I’m so excited for you!” is more powerful than you think: Why supporting your people through the good times is crucial
Being there for your partner when they’re having a hard time is a key part of a healthy relationship. But did you know the way you respond to the positive events they share with you is just as important?
SOCIAL DYNAMICS
In relationships, there’s often an emphasis on being there for your partner when they’re struggling. When you’re stressed but still feel like you have a strong support system on your side, it’s like a security blanket that buffers against negative emotions. And challenges feel easier to overcome. So, of course, they hope that you’ll be there for them when they share a stressor or a negative experience with you.
Perceiving that your loved ones have your back is associated with better relationships and has even been shown to have a positive impact on your physical health and well-being.
But support and encouragement are also necessary when your partner shares good news
According to researchers, the way people react when you share the positive events that happen in your life can also play a big role in how you experience your relationships.
Think about when you get that new promotion or your child successfully masters riding a bike. Those things take effort, and naturally, we want others to share in our excitement. The way people respond can have a big impact on you. Most people go to those closest to them to share the news, and the way their loved ones feel about it can say a lot.
Does their reaction to your news show that they see the event as positive and important? If they’re just as excited as you are, it can end up compounding your positive feelings too! On the other hand, they could be distracted when you tell them, or maybe they just don’t respond with as much enthusiasm as you’d hoped.
Either way, their response gives you context for the positive event that just happened and can influence the way you feel about it. At the same time, it can affect the relationship with the person you’re sharing with.
“Responding positively when your partner tells you about something great that happened to them can be an even better predictor of relationship quality than responding in a supportive way when they tell you about something negative.”
Now don’t get it wrong-it’s still important to be there for your partner through the tough times. But the point is that the good stuff needs proper attention too!
Many people share their good news in the hopes that others will see their success as interesting and meaningful. When your partner takes an active interest in your good news, they show support for your growth and personal well-being.
Research shows that partners put themselves in the best position for healthy relationships when they respond to their partner’s good news in an active and supportive way. That often means showing enthusiasm, asking questions, and encouraging the other person to elaborate.
Sharing in your partner’s joy brings you closer
It isn’t so surprising that showing an active interest when something positive happens to your partner is beneficial. But the truth is that it can be all too easy to fail to recognise their bid for support and connection when it comes to good news.
On the flip side, when people share a struggle that they’ve been having, it can be much more clear that support is what they need. So while it may not come as naturally, it’s important to pay attention to your partner’s wins, big and small.
When you don’t see the significance that positive news holds for your partner you might respond by being detached or distracted. That can send the message that you don’t see the event as important.
What’s more, when people respond to events in a passive way, downplay their importance, or even focus on the negative aspects, it can have serious consequences. Lower levels of trust and intimacy and higher levels of daily conflict are only a part of it.
So don’t let your loved one’s wins slip through your awareness. Think about weighing the positive events in your loved ones' lives as just as important as when they’re having a hard time. The next time your partner tells you about something good that happened to them, take it as seriously as you would if they were having a difficult time.
Do your best to actively engage! Nod your head, ask questions, and tell them how much you admire them for what they’ve accomplished. When you respond to their good fortune or hard work in this way, you communicate love, understanding, and validation. It brings you both up, and at the same time, it strengthens your relationship.
Source:
-Gable, S. L., Gosnell, C. L., Maisel, N. C., & Strachman, A. (2012) Safely testing the alarm: close others' responses to personal positive events. Journal of personality and social psychology.
