Taming Toddler Tantrums and How to Keep Your Cool!
Though hard to watch and challenging to handle, it’s when your child needs you the most.
SOCIAL DYNAMICS
“My child screamed at balloons for an hour because they couldn’t stop floating!”
“My 1.5-year-old son had a meltdown because I wouldn’t let him pour apple juice on the cat!”
“My toddler got ticked off because the trees are taller than our house!”
“My toddler lost it because the imaginary door on his imaginary fire truck wouldn’t open, and he was stuck inside!”
These were just some of the answers that parents gave in response to a viral Reddit thread that asked them, “What’s the most illogical thing your toddler had a breakdown over?”
Many of us have witnessed toddler tantrums, and most of us, if not all, have experienced it. At home, while shopping, in the park-while people look on, and you desperately hope for the earth to open up and swallow you. And let’s also not forget that we were that toddler once upon a time.
According to the National Association of School Psychologists, temper tantrums generally begin to occur when children are between 12 and 15 months old, peak between 18 and 36 months, and continue until around age 4. And that makes sense because as babies grow up into toddlers, they discover new ways to express themselves and test boundaries.
And while they have many skills, knowing how to control their emotions is not one of them. So, when you’re in the middle of a gale-force temper tantrum, you might see crying, hitting, biting, stomping, kicking, throwing things, and breath holding.
And though you may find it difficult to look at the positive side when your child is having a temper tantrum, it helps to remember that these tantrums are a healthy part of their development.
So…
Why do tantrums happen?
Well, young children are still at an early stage of social, emotional, and language development. They’re also at a stage where they’re becoming independent and developing their own wants, needs, and ideas. And when they can't express their needs and feelings with their limited communication skills, they get frustrated.
“Your child is working through their emotions and doesn’t know what else to do to show that they’re upset”
So, they get frustrated with their limitations and get angry about not getting their way. Plus, they’re learning that their behaviour influences others. So, in short, by throwing a tantrum, children express and manage their feelings and try to understand or change what’s going on around them.
And there can be many things that can make temper tantrums more likely to happen. For example, they could be stressed, tired, hungry, or overstimulated. Maybe they’re facing a situation that they just don’t know how to cope with. Or maybe they’re experiencing strong, overwhelming emotions.
Learning to deal with frustration is a skill that children gain over time.
So try this the next time your child has a temper tantrum. Instead of looking at it as a behavioural problem, think of it this way- “My child doesn’t have the emotional or verbal skill to deal with their frustration right now. He or she just doesn’t know how to cope and needs my help.”
How to support your child when they have a tantrum
The American Academy of Pediatrics says that when you respond in a calm and consistent way to your child’s outbursts, it helps them understand where the boundaries are. This can make your child feel safe and in control.
Here are some tricks you could consider:
Try to distract them
Children have short attention spans and they’re usually easy to divert. If you sense a tantrum brewing because you said “no” to buying KinderJoy, while you're waiting at the supermarket check out- try to switch gears and direct their attention to something else. Like saying, “Wow! Look at that fish tank over there!”
Change the location
If your child is having a tantrum in a public place, pick them up and move to a safe place- maybe your car or the restroom, and let them blow off some steam. Try explaining calmly to them. Gently touch them and give them a hug. This can be soothing to them and help them calm down.
Avoid situations that may trigger tantrums
Try to make sure that they aren’t hungry, tired, or overstimulated. If they ask for sweets or toys when you’re shopping, steer clear of the aisles stocking those temptations. If the tantrum tends to happen in restaurants, choose places that offer quick service.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Give them some choice in small matters and avoid saying “no” to everything. For example, you could ask them, “Do you want to have peas or carrots for dinner?” Or “Do you want to wear the blue shorts or the red ones?” This will give them a feeling of some control and reduce their frustration to a small extent.
Give positive reinforcement
Praise them when they behave well. Give them a hug and tell them how proud you’re of them when they share or follow directions.
And don’t forget to take care of yourself too!
It might be tempting to have a tantrum of your own when your kid is throwing one. But it’s important to take care of yourself as much as it is to care for your child.
Here are a couple of things to remember:
Try to stay calm
Take a few deep breaths and think about how you can handle the situation. Try to keep the calmness in your voice and manner. If you use a loud tone or fast motions, it may upset your child even more. Remember, the more agitated we are, the more our kids spiral down.
Remember, it’s not about you
Your child’s actions are not so much directed at you as they are a show of their own frustration. So, be kind to yourself and don't let your child's tantrum make you feel guilty or out of control.
Tantrums are just a part of growing up, and they will soon be a thing of the past. So make sure that you don’t hold onto it, either.
Sources:
-Daniels E, Mandleco B, Luthy K. (2012). Assessment, management, and prevention of childhood temper tantrums. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners.
-www.nasponline.org
