Unleashing the Power of Positive Parenting
Some simple strategies to raise responsible, resilient, and caring children.
SOCIAL DYNAMICS
"If you don't behave yourself by the time I count to five, you're not getting any ice cream, and we're going home right now! One… Two… Three… Three and a half…"
If you're a parent, you're probably nodding to yourself right now, thinking, "Been there, done that!". It's something many of us go through while raising our children.
Children like to push boundaries because that's how they learn about the world. But when we lose our cool and yell or nag and make threats, it doesn't really help. Not only do we end up upset and regretful, but it might also upset the kids and lead them to act out even more.
In the end, does anything change? Not really. So everyone is then back to square one, and the cycle most likely repeats.
We hope to have a positive relationship with our children. We want them to be caring, nice, and self-assured. But being a parent isn't always a piece of cake; more often than not, we're just figuring things out as we go along.
No one really wants to feel frustrated and resort to yelling and empty threats. So what exactly can we do? We can change our behaviour as parents so that the children feel understood and are more willing to follow our rules.
Enter… Positive Parenting!
Does it mean you have to exude positivity and keep smiling 24/7? No. Rather, it's an approach that focuses on your child's strengths instead of correcting their weaknesses. It's more about nurturing good behaviour than punishing bad behaviour.
Positive parenting is not just a parenting method, but it involves creating a completely different relationship with your children. It allows you to maintain a strong bond with them as they grow up into kind and responsible people.
Parents who practise this method don't use harsh punishment to correct difficult behaviour. Instead, they ensure their children are emotionally fulfilled through positive conversations and experiences, which can prevent a great deal of misbehaviour from happening in the first place.
Does it actually work?
Science agrees - positive parenting really does work!
What does this mean for you? Well, you'll notice your children acting out less. Children who are disciplined with punishment end up having more behaviour issues.
On the other hand, being kind and understanding with discipline helps them learn and grow in a healthy way.
"Children raised with positive parenting techniques have higher self-esteem."
They think that they're just as good as their friends, tend to be resilient and more likely to dust themselves off after a fall. Plus, these kids often do better when making friends and figuring out solutions to problems. They're also happier and more comfortable with who they are.
It's not just the children who win with this positive parenting style. Parents get a big boost too. Studies show that parents who use positive discipline feel better about themselves, feel more confident in their role, and have lower stress levels.
With less yelling, fewer fights, and less tug-of-war for control, this means that you and your children will get along better, and your bond will strengthen.
Curious to try it out? Here's how to start…
Tips to start your positive parenting journey
Focus on the reason behind the behaviour
Even though it may sometimes seem silly, there's usually a good reason behind their behaviour from their point of view. Perhaps they don't understand the rule, or they're upset about something. Or maybe they want your attention. So, why not try talking to them and understanding what's up? Show them that you care about their needs. Remember, listening actively and knowing why they're acting up can help manage such situations or, at the most, reduce how often it happens.
Praise children when they're being good
Instead of always telling them what not to do, remember to point out to them when they are doing what they should be doing too! Like, "Thank you for sitting quietly while I spoke to Daddy," or "I see you didn't throw any food on the floor this meal; well done!". Remember, even a simple "Good job" goes a long way.
Be kind
Children mimic their parents. If you yell, humiliate, or call a child names, they will learn to do the same when they're upset. But if you're kind and treat them with respect even when you're upset, they learn to do the same.
Be clear and consistent
For example, if you tell your child off from running inside the house only sometimes, but other times you seem not to be bothered, they will get confused. Children need to be able to predict what will happen as a result of their behaviour. That's how they learn how to behave. Decide and explain clearly what happens when rules are not followed. Plus, make sure that you follow through on them consistently.
Consider their age and brain development
Sometimes what we view as bad behaviour is just kids acting their age. So, take their age and the stage of brain development into consideration when thinking of a parenting strategy. For example, toddlers and preschoolers may not understand consequences yet. In their case, it's better to gently steer them towards better choices instead of giving them punishments.
Take a time-out for yourself
When you feel that you're about to lose it, tell your child that you need a moment by yourself because you are upset. Give a time frame on when you'll return and, if possible, go into another room to cool off. If you can calm yourself down and speak in a respectful and firm way, your child learns to handle anger and disappointment with grace.
Of course, there is no perfect answer to every parenting conundrum. At the end of the day, all you want is that your child develops into a respectful, accommodating, and confident person. And that's where positive parenting can be your friend!
Source:
-Chen Y, Haines J, et al. (2019).Positive parenting improves multiple aspects of health and well-being in young adulthood. Nature Human Behaviour.
